I don't know why I did that.

It could be that I only realized now that you are going away for quite a time soon, and I took for granted one meeting. My feelings are toying with the idea that I should be regretting it, but it hasn't sink in on me yet.

I realize I'm going to lose you again soon. And there is that fear of not being able to two things. One is loving you, and one is hoping you somehow you love me back. I don't care how much you do, but at least I know.

The other would be the frustrations of this day, the past week, and the weeks to come. I know I'm going to benefit in the long run, but this is a leap to me. It all came in one big punch and with me barely standing up again for another round. I am frustrated about it. I am scared, and will probably be always jittery everytime a match comes. I want to shake off the feeling but I can't. This only needs adjustment, but I need it fast. How am I supposed to concentrate if I always keep on replaying that blow in slow-motion?

At least that feeling that was disturbing me the whole day subsided. Why do I always need to go through the salt just to feel better. I thought a smile was the better remedy?